Sure Thing

Why does everyone call only me when they need money? Why is it that I am always given the most difficult tasks? She keeps doing this because she knows I will always forgive, should I change? Maybe I need to become a bit more stubborn and put my parents on their toes, they cannot tell my sis all these things they are telling me. Are you feeling like changing your personality because people around you seem to be getting away with doing less? Do you feel like you are being taken for granted? I have two words for you, but first I will tell you about some guys, I call them My guys.

This is a true story about the three men I work with. In order of how I met them, Niyi, Sam and Henry. A few weeks ago in ‘Find It’ I spoke about my job and how hectic it gets. God uses them to make it possible. As I always say, you can describe our job in 12 words: We train people in the job market and help them get jobs. Those 12 words translate into A LOT of work for them and require so much dedication. Because our jobs directly affect people’s lives and futures, there are no working hours, we are always on. They get practically no free days either, we work all week long doing one thing or the other because there is always so much at stake. In the midst of all this, I am always grateful for one thing. “My guys are a sure thing.”

While writing this, I am in Kenya on a business trip, but of all the things I have to bother about, while I am away, I don’t have to worry about what is going on in the office.

I am not wondering if they will be resuming at 10:00 A.M instead of 8:00AM. They won’t. I don’t have to be scared that classes won’t go on as scheduled or that if I am not at a meeting, things won’t go right. I am not scared that the place will fall apart in my absence or the scheduled tests will not take place. I know all will go well. Calling them a Sure Thing does not mean they don’t make mistakes. They have strengths and weaknesses just like everyone else, but I know that if something goes wrong, they won’t sweep it under the carpet and hide it from me. If they face challenges they will figure out ways around them and nothing will be left unattended to or undone. Even though they are very different and are good at different things, I believe I know who they are and what they stand for and that makes them a sure thing.

Who can say that about you? Your Boss? What about your family? Your Friends? People you deal with? What is that one thing that people always require or even demand from you? It shows what you are known for. Are you always called to settle fights or to make them hotter? To pray for someone or to insult them very well? In what issues do people say, “Let’s call her” and for what things do they say, “Let’s leave him, he won’t agree”? Those are the areas they know you as a Sure Thing.

When I was finishing from the university I had a problem with the fact that people were always asking me for my last kobo because they knew I was a nice person who found it hard not to give. I always found myself broke and the people who took all my money were enjoying themselves at my expense. I decided that the remedy was to harden up and toughen up: that way people would stop playing on my intelligence. The result was that I unconsciously became stingy. I achieved my aim because it was no more so easy for people to pull my heart strings and make me feel their pain, no one could ‘use my head’ anymore: but at the same time, those who needed my help couldn’t get it. I found that it was so easy for me to say, ‘Sorry I don’t have.”

This was good. But guess what? I was miserable. I kept telling myself I was still a nice person; I liked being a nice person but all my actions said otherwise. In order not to be a Sure Thing for giving, I was becoming a Sure Thing for selfishness. This posed a challenge. God made me a giver so I enjoyed giving but how was I supposed to find the balance between being everybody’s fool and this selfish person I had become? I found the answer.

Nobody was taking all my money; I was the one giving it out in a way that hurt me, because I didn’t like to say no. The secret was in self-management.

I realized it is possible to be a giver and still be wise and manage my finances properly. I softened up again and now I do not mind being known as the one who is too nice and is always giving, because that is who I am. I just manage myself better:

- I give when I can

- When I can’t, I say no but I still always endeavor to help find an alternate solution

Back To You

So your sister does no house work and gets away with it but if you leave one dish in the sink, the roof will fall– It could be a compliment, maybe you are your parent’s sure ‘responsible’ thing.

Maybe you get away with bad grades but when your sister comes home with a B, there is a family meeting – Watch out because that is a sign of their expectations from you.

It is true that people might tend to take you for granted sometimes but I would say it is better to have a positive trait that comes with some disadvantages, than having a negative trait that comes with advantages. Don’t downgrade yourself, instead manage yourself better, know what you want and become more assertive, so you are being yourself for the right reasons and with the right motive.

With this I must also sound a word of caution. Like I wrote in ‘Get Weird’, it is dangerous to be someone who goes with every flow and cannot be vouched for on any matter whether negative or positive. Where ever you are you must make your mark. Here are my two words of advice for you today: Know You, Create Yours, Watch It, Be Assertive

If you don’t stand for something, you will fall for anything…Know You

Stop going with every flow…Create Yours

Exempting you from responsibilities is not a sign of respect or trust…Watch It

If you feel like you are being taken for granted…Be Assertive

Learn to manage yourself and your relationships, but whatever you do, remember that there is absolutely nothing wrong with being a…

                                                                  Sure Thing!

To My Guys:

- Niyi, thank you for being extraordinarily trustworthy, credible and most of all committed. It’s a pleasure to be able to take that for granted – in a good way.

- Sam, it’s really great that you are so good with working on new projects. And yes, that’s why I always give you the stressful work that requires running around and setting up new centres.

- Henry, I’m so glad that you are committed to excellence, even though I know it makes me drop chaotic things in your lap from time to time. Well done.