Project Your Poise Video - DINNING ETIQUETTE

A must watch.

If you have a business lunch, dinner or date.

Watch this first

Project Your Poise Video - DINNING ETIQUETTE

A must watch.

If you have a business lunch, dinner or date.

Watch this first

Project Your Poise - Professional Attitude And Behaviour

Is your boss or a client stressing you out?

This is an awesome video on Professionalism and Workplace Ethics. If you have not watched this, click to watch and drop your comments below.



#Enjoy

Take It

Do you feel you are being over looked for something you deserve? Maybe it’s a promotion, a reward or a thank you. It might even be a leadership position that you feel you should have been nominated for. If there is a promotion or leadership position that you believe you are qualified for, I have two words for you….Take It.

Just like the great hunter called David.

There was a great hunter named David…

David didn’t actually set out trying to be a hunter oh. He was a shepherd. He only killed animals in the course of doing his job. As a shepherd, David’s main concern was taking care of his sheep, keeping them healthy and fed, caring for them regularly and guiding them home. But you see, one fateful day, there was a lion threatening to affect his job by killing his sheep. Killing lions was the job of a hunter, so the situation on ground meant that David needed a hunter in order to be able to do his job. There was no hunter around to do it, so David took the job in order to do his job as a shepherd.

…That’s how David became a hunter.

Interestingly, everybody still saw David as a shepherd, even though had killed a lion and a bear. David had developed the skills of a hunter, even though no one knew it or recognized it.

Some years later…

There was as a great warrior named David…

Oh yes, the same one which was a shepherd and a hunter, then become a warrior. He didn’t mean to become a warrior oh. He was only being a good citizen. His dad asked him to go and give his brothers food at the battle front and on his way,  he heard the horrible voice of giant threatening to destroy his home and people. The shepherd in David couldn’t ‘do nothing’. He said to himself, “Surely this is the job of a warrior.” He looked around for one, but there was none. They were all too afraid. No one offered David the job to be a warrior but once again, he couldn’t just sit by. He considered his past experiences, his faith and his strengths: and when David realized that he had everything it took to defeat the giant and save his people, he didn’t wait for someone to offer him the job of a warrior. He took it.

…That was how David became a warrior.

There was a King named David…But that is a story for another day

-The End-

I took my first job after NYSC. Half way through my service year, the person I was directly reporting to had left the organisation. I was surprised to come to work one morning and meet his empty chair. He was the IT Helpdesk Officer. My first and most pressing thought was, “What will happen to all the people that will call the help desk this morning”. I was so bothered that I did not wait to find out if a replacement had been hired or not. I sat on his desk and started attending to the support calls. For the first few days I kept on thinking someone would tell me I was not qualified enough or that I didn’t have the required experience but from that day on I became the Helpdesk Officer and no one ever wondered if I belonged to that seat. I did not feel that I was doing anyone a favor, even though I was still earning the same NYSC pay until I was retained after my NYSC.

Some of us spend so much waiting for people to validate us. Stop waiting to be validated by convention when your experiences have validated you already. Your ability to spot and fill any need is more important than a person’s ability to spot your ability.

Some of us run even when an opportunity is presented to us. That is because in our own secret corner we run away from challenges rather than embracing and overcoming them.  Solving problems that no one knows about, builds your confidence to solve the ones that will make you a star.

Some of us want to be paid, rewarded or recognized before we add value in a bigger way than we are doing, what we don’t realize is this: The only way for people to see your value is when you express it by solving problems.

There are three things I learnt from my NYSC/First Job experience:

1. No one will tell you that you are not qualified to do a job that you are already excelling at.
2. Challenges are the things that separate warriors from mere men.
3. If an opportunity opens up, don’t expect that people will immediately think of nominating you for it. If you want it…

TAKE IT

The people around you may not know what you are made of, but one day a giant will pass by and everyone will be scared. Will you be ready to Take It? If you have any questions about how to take opportunities or prepare yourself for one, let’s discuss it on the Poise’ Graduate Finishing Academy Blog on Monday. Post a comment on Poisegfs.blogspot.com

Own It

Have you ever decided to do something but you didn't end up going through with it. Was the problem the fact that a friend kept on asking you and you could not say no? Research shows that the way you say no has a great impact on whether or not you will do something. Let’s discuss the best way to say no based on science and research.

Tony and Tara decided that they were going to read 2 hours every day before going to bed. They had professional exams coming up and both wanted to pass in flying colors. They were part of a very social and tight knit circle of friends and someone always had something interesting going on. In order to achieve their desire to read two hours before bed each night. They had to miss many of the social outings and they knew it would be hard because they all enjoyed one another’s company so much. After three weeks of trying to stick to their new resolution, they ran into each other at the mall.

Tara: “So how has it been going, are you ready for the exams?”

Tony: “Ready ke? I don’t even know what to do anymore. I read only about 3 nights out of 7 in a week. And this week I have not even read at all. The guys call me every single night pestering me to hang out with them and sometimes I just give in. Sometimes even when I stay home, I try to psych myself to read but I just sleep off. What about you?”

Tara: “I have been reading every night oh. I only missed today because I want to give myself a break. Do you want to hang out?”

Tony: “No, I can’t oh, let me go and…

Tara: Exactly! That is where the problem is Tony. You are saying no the wrong way. When you say no, you must own it. Don’t say it like you are helpless.

Tony gave her an ‘Is-this-lady-loosing-her-mind-look’ so she explained: I read this article that discussed research in improving will power and it says that instead of saying things like “I can’t go out because I need to read” you should say “I don’t go out every night anymore, I am preparing for my exams.” Saying ‘I don’t’ instead of ‘I can’t’ affects your will power immensely.

“Stop saying ‘I can’t instead say ‘I don’t’. Infact after calling me 3 times and I said I don’t go out on weekdays anymore because of the exam, Lekan and co. stopped calling me. I guess they could sense my resolve, so instead, they now send me encouraging texts. The words you speak go a long way in affecting your actions. Hey, here is the link; you can read more about it here.”

Tony stored the link in his phone to read through when he got home. “It’s funny, I thought saying I can’t meant I have no other option” Tara replied, yes it does, but saying ‘I don’t means, I have options but I have decided not to and I will not. That gives you more power.”

Hmm: “Great! You and all these oyinbo things. I will try it.

THE END

Here are my two words for you:

You are the number one person that your words affect, so before you say anything…Check It

Change can be difficult so don’t make it harder by discouraging yourself…Encourage You

If you have made prior plans that will keep pulling away from a new resolution…Cancel Them

When you say NO, to something you don’t want to do, don’t sound like you wish you could say yes. Don’t say ‘I can’t’, because no one is forcing you to say no. Say ‘I don’t’. It is your decision, it is what you want so…

Own It

If you want to get the link to the scientific article that explains this theory of saying ‘I don’t’ rather than ‘I cant’ please visit the link: http://blog.bufferapp.com/a-scientific-guide-to-saying-no-how-to-avoid-temptation-and-distraction

Two Words - Sit Down

“I have so much to do and so little time.”, “I just had a brilliant idea!”, “I have so many ideas and I don’t know how to do them all.”, ”This team is working so hard but it seems like there is no end in sight.”

Are you getting discouraged because of a project you are working on? Have you felt like, you are putting in so much effort into a job and your boss/lecturer/teammates are just demanding more from you for no reason? Do you sometimes feel like there is so much you want to do and you don’t know where to start? I know that feeling. From as far back as I can remember, I have always had journals where I list every brilliant business idea that I thought of (I know someone reading this has some of those). After a while, I started storing them on my laptop but I would always wonder how I would fulfill all of my divergent dreams. That was how I learnt to ‘Sit Down’.

A garden has many plants, growing at different rates which are at different stages. They may not all have been planted at the same time and so they need different types of care at every given time:

Question 1: A forest and a garden both contain plants and trees that are growing, so what sets them apart?

 Answer: A Plan

Question 2: What prevents a garden from growing into a forest?

 Answer: Continuous pruning to keep it in line with the plan

  

“You cannot Check Milestones if you do not know where you are going” - Myself

“If you are not growing according to a plan, you are growing nowhere” – John Maxwell

Final Question: What would happen to a gardener if he keeps pruning a garden every day without any idea of what the owner is trying to achieve or why the garden is important?

Answer: ……………………………………………………………………………………………

You can answer this question after reading.

Every once in a while, you need to stop and compare where you were yesterday to where you are today. If you don’t do that you might not see how much you have grown/learnt/achieved. When you do that, half of the job is done. You must also compare where you are today with where you are going to. In order to do this effectively, the most important thing you need is: A Plan.

To prevent getting discouraged, feeling lost, or making progress without a sense of fulfillment it is important to do this frequently:

1.       SIT DOWN and review your goals (as a team, as an individual and even as an organization). Rediscover what you are working towards and what you want to achieve in the short term, medium term and long term.

2.       Do not just be all work and no play. At regular intervals, SIT DOWN and celebrate your progress reflect on how far you have come. Celebrate yourself and those you work with.

3.       SIT DOWN and make a plan: Do not just expect that life will lead you naturally to what is best for you. Be specific about how you want to achieve your goals, meet your target, get promoted or build your finances.

4.       SIT DOWN and review your plan. Do not be stuck on the first plan you have. You need to keep measuring your progress and updating and editing your plan. Sometimes you might end up even editing your goals.

15 Minutes a day will keep discouragement away. You can get it from your sleep time, TV time or Facebook time. You can even do it during your Traffic time or take it from your Midnight call time. Don’t keep moving without reminding yourself of where you are moving to. It is good to Work It, Upgrade You and Check Milestones but it is important that you do all of this according to a plan. If you don’t have one, get a pen and paper, find some quiet time and…

SIT DOWN

Let’s discuss. You can post your answer to the question about the gardener here or send an email to uki@poisenigeria.org.

Want to discuss anything? Please post it in the comment box below.

...Remember to subscribe for our posts by email so that you can get 'Two Words' hot and fresh

Two Words - Just Ask

Just Ask

How do I know if she likes me? I know why he acts like that, is it not him!? Why would she do such a thing to her sister? Let me ask Janet if Tito gave her the book yesterday so I will know if she will give me? They will not like it, let me not even bother trying. Should I ask her for money or should I just leave it, she looks broke and she didn’t give Fred when he asked her yesterday.”

Have you ever thought in this way? Are you trying to figure out what someone is thinking by asking everyone else except them? Is this a good strategy? Let’s discuss it.

Aigbode works with Mike, they had been working together for close to two years. When Aigbode joined Glitz Limited, Femi was already working in that unit. They all lived in the same area which was very far from work and Mike their boss had a car. Though they all closed at the same time, Aigbode and Femi would go home by public transport while Mike would drive himself home. Mike was very jovial in the office and Aigbode often wondered why he couldn’t give them a ride since they all stayed in the same area and they had such a nice relationship. For almost two years no one ever brought it up until Chinonye joined the team. A week after she joined, Mike started giving her lifts to her bus stop and the tongues started wagging.

“Can you imagine? So because Chinonye is a lady, she is worthy of a lift. Hmm! I respected this man oh! I never thought he could be like this. “This is ridiculous.” said Aigbode. Femi replied, “Oh boy! Be there! Stop judging sha. The girl is a fine babe, leave the man alone and face your work.” This scenario continued for a while. Even when Chinonye suddenly quit 6 months after, everyone took it as proof that something was going on between them and she must have resigned because the relationship with Mike went sour.

4 years later, Mike ran into Chinonye at the Cinema. “Hello Chinonye, how are you doing? It’s good to see you. So what are you up to now?” “Not much Sir but I am doing well. I have a small business I am doing after all that happened to me?” Mike was curious, “What happened?” Chinonye explained “Sir, when I left Glitz limited, it was not as if I had another job or something to do. I just could not take the stories that were going around anymore. Someone confided in me that I needed to be careful around you because you had never been so nice to a staff, so everyone felt something was going on between us. I was very surprised. One day, I was late to work and I was having an argument with Towobola, then she spat out that I should not think that because I was dating you I could do anything I liked.” That was it for me. I just couldn’t stand my reputation being tarnished in such a manner and I realized the whole office must have been discussing it. That was why I resigned with immediate effect. I didn’t want to cause trouble so I could not tell you. Do you still work there?” Mike was stunned. He tried to mask it. “It was nice seeing you again sir, Enjoy the movie. Bye.” Mike mustered a “Goodbye” and all he could think about was “How many people in the office were saying this about me and for how long? How come no one ever told me so I could remedy my reputation? What is the meaning of this?” He left the cinema and went back home. Only one word can describe how he felt: Betrayed.

From that day, Mike’s behavior to his colleagues changed drastically, he went from being the jovial boss to being super strict and till today, nobody knows why.

The End

This kind of scenario happens in our offices, our schools and even our homes and businesses. We relate with people based on so many assumptions, rather than simply asking the question that we have on our minds. Aigbode did not ask Mike if he could give him a ride because he assumed that Femi must have asked before. Since Femi had been working there longer, Aigbode assumed Femi knew Mike better. Femi never asked Mike if he could give him a ride because he felt that it was out of place and he should let Mike be the one to make the offer. When Mike didn’t, Femi assumed it was because he did not want to. Mike never thought of offering them a ride, because he knew they would find it hard to say no and he didn’t want to cramp their style. He expected that they would ask if they needed his help and when they didn’t, he assumed it was because they didn’t want to go with him. Chinonye was bold enough to ask, but because she was a lady, once again everyone assumed they knew why Mike offered her a ride (he didn’t). No one asked Chinonye if she was the one who asked for a ride or if Mike offered because they assumed they already had the answer. It was actually none of their business, but still they talked about it. At the end of the day everyone got hurt.

Here are my two words for those of us who have given up on asking for something:

Even innocent assumptions can kill, because they have a way of feeling like fact. Don’t assume…Just Ask

If you have a question, stop trying to guess the answer when you can…Just Ask

Don’t let the fear of rejection make you call someone in Abuja to just to find out if your neighbor (who is in Lagos with you) will let you use her iron…Just Ask

Don’t spend 20 months designing the perfect product without finding out if your target will be interested in what you are doing…Use Surveys

Sometimes you need something from God...Just Ask

Asking ‘Do you think she will give me?’, ‘Do you think they will agree?’ or ‘Do you think he will like to?’, ‘Has he forgiven me?’ are all good questions they can help you prepare a good pitch but at the end of the day, the surest way is to, meet the person in question, ignore the apprehension nibbling inside you and…

JUST ASK

What are some tough questions that you have been unable to ask? Let’s discuss strategies for asking tricky questions on the Poise’ Graduate Finishing Academy Blog poisegfs.blogspot.com. Post a comment here or if it is private you can send an email to uki@poisenigeria.org. Remember you can subscribe to this blog by email and you will get Two Words in your email, hot and fresh.

Thank you

Two Words - Check Milestones

I remember the first time I drove to Shagamu from Lagos, I did not know where to turn off the express so I stopped to ask for directions. Imagine my shock when the man I asked said I was about to get to the Ibadan toll gate. Many of us have heard of the saying, if you do not know where you are going, any road will take you there. But in this case even though I knew where I was going and I ended up at a surprise destination. Has that ever happened to you? Have you ever been surprised that you did something you didn’t mean to do? Has there been a time when you said, I never in my wildest dreams thought I would… Well, if you want to be better at predicting the future, here is my advice: Take Note of the milestones along the way.

When you are travelling, milestones are those green and white posts you see on the road between two states, that tell you how close to a destination you are. Take the story of Chichi. She was an intelligent young lady who gave herself a target of 6A’s in her 300 Level, 2^nd Semester exams. It was three weeks into the semester and she just got 3/10 in an assignment but she was not fazed. She was telling her best friend Shade why she was not concerned. “Continuous assessment is just 30% that’s not my priority, I will spend the last two weeks before exams sleeping in the Library to ensure I get a minimum of 65/70 in all exams, so even if I get 10 over 30 in my C.A, I will still get an A.” She was expecting Shade to encourage but instead, she looked at her with a disappointed look on her face and said “Chichi! You are not getting 6A’s this semester.”

“What do you mean by that? Back to sender!”

Shade explained, “Chichi Just because you have a strategy for getting an A, does not mean it is the right strategy. Your continuous assessment scores are your milestones, they show you your understanding of a course. If you are not passing them, that is a sign that you are not on the journey to an A and you need to change direction as soon as possible. Figure out why you got 3/10 and start working towards getting 10/10, then you will be on your way to an A.” Don’t ignore your milestones, they are the validation of your strategy.”

The End

Shade is a good friend isn’t she? So like Shade let me say:

-          You want to know if you are on your way to getting that promotion at the end of the year?  Check your milestones

-          Are you going to meet your target next quarter? Your weekly reports can predict that.

-          Is your business going to be bigger next year? The feedback from your clients are your milestones?

-          If your relationship keeps having the same issues don’t wish them away, take note of them and do something to solve it.

The things you are doing everyday are a better prediction of where you are going than the things you would like to do someday. We can all predict where we are headed if we take note of the milestones along the way.

If you hire a driver and he has bashes the car and lies about it in the first week, money is missing the second week, he missed 2 days of work the third week and he tells you in the fourth week that he filled your tank for N20,000 (when you usually fill it with N5,000); do you have a right to act surprised if by the 6^th week he runs away with the car completely?

So:

Don’t ignore the sign posts on your way…Observe Them

If your milestones indicate you are going in a direction you don’t want…Turn Round

Your short term results are a good indication of your long term outcomes…Take Note

Every dream and every goal has milestones along the way but they won’t all come screaming out saying ‘here I am’. Don’t wait till your reach your destination before you find out you made a mistake with your strategy, you will know when you are veering off course if only you decide to always…

Check Milestones

So where are you going and how do you break your goals down into milestones? You can post your comments on the Poise’ Graduate Finishing Academy blog (poisegfs.blogspot.com) or send me an email to uki@poisenigeria.org, I always enjoy reading from you.

I am happy to introduce Eric’s Employability Expedition. There is a lot to learn from his story and every week we will join him on his journey to success, it promises to be an interesting ride powered by Poise’ Graduate Finishing Academy

Thank you

Work It

Have you found your talent as I suggested in ‘Find It’. What then do you do with it? What happens when your talent and your career are in two different fields? How do you turn your talent into your career? I have two words for you…’Work It’.

Think of your favorite pair of shoes and your oldest pair (the ones still in active service). Which of them do you spend more time polishing when you need to go out? The truth is that your newer shoes need less care in order to look smashing but your oldest pair might need one or two rounds of polishing before they can look half as nice as the new ones. It is the same with your talent and gifts.

A lot of times we focus on polishing and working the areas of our weaknesses and we neglect our strengths, in the belief that we are amazing enough in those areas. Let’s use Charles as a case in point example:

Weakness discovered VS Response

Charles discovered he had the tendency to procrastinate so he took a training on Time Management.

He noticed a gap in his ICT skills and dedicated time to lots of practice to improve himself.

Strength discovered VS Response

Charles noticed that he had a way with words and he enjoyed creative writing. People always praised the things he wrote since he was a child. He decided one day to write a book and it never occurred to him that if he got training in the area of his talent he would be more likely to write a best seller than someone who didn’t have his natural talent.

Sometimes, we are like Charles, we get training in interpersonal skills or emotional intelligence if we feel we are too shy or we read books on financial intelligence when we notice that we are not managing our finances right. As the person who wrote ‘Upgrade You’ a few weeks ago, I am here to tell you that this is very good but even more importantly, you need to ‘work’ your strengths.

Polish them and showcase them. The things you do well without anyone teaching or pushing you, are the things you can become a master of, with just a little more practice or learning.

There is always something more to learn. Read to groom and improve in the area of your talent. Do not put your career on hold for this, because the skills, contacts and not to mention money that you are making today will come in handy. When the time comes to pull out and pursue that passion squarely, when the time is right, you will know.

I have seen too many people leave a glowing career to setup a business in the area of their ‘passion’. This is good but the only problem is that they are still amateurs. They are starting a business based on their natural talent to which they have not added any equipping skills or knowledge development. Go beyond being a natural talent, work your skill until you become an experienced expert. 

Everyone has a gift, but what do we do with it?

 Some people are so blessed because their careers are already in line with their gifts but it does not mean that everyone’s gift must be in line with their careers, after all many people have multiple gifts. 

When you discover your weakness…Upgrade You

When you find your passion…Learn More

Don’t be an amateur in the area of your talent…Improve You

If you have discovered your gift but have not yet had the opportunity to use it, roll up your sleeves and…Work It

Prove It

Hello Everyone,

This goes out to everyone who knows there is something great they want to achieve in the future. Maybe you see yourself as a great entrepreneur but for now you are an intern. If you are a future Human Resource Director currently working as a customer service agent, this is for you:

Have you ever said any of these?

· When I own my business I will work so hard.

· If only they would increase my salary, they will see how dedicated I can be.

· By the time I graduate from school, I will start planning my day.

· When I have more money I will start saving.

· When I am in public, I will observe table manners.

· When I start writing official letters, I will use good grammar.

· When I get married, I will be faithful.

· When it’s a business meeting, I will get there early.

· When I get a job, I will start dressing like a worker.

 

If you have said anything similar to these, I have two words for you…Prove It.

It was Abdul’s first day of work and he was reflecting on all the things that were about to change in his life. Even though he was always late to class and he paid someone to type and proof read his project, he was ready to get serious. He smiled as he looked at himself fully dressed in corporate attire. He was committed to getting to work early every day, writing and speaking like a professional and working hard on all tasks.  He announced this in a tweet to all his friends “First day at work, so real #LevelsHaveChanged.” At the end of the day Abdul tweeted “Horrible first day, these people are too stuck-up.” Later that day, Abdul called Chike to vent. “Yes, I know I got to work 20 minutes late, is that so bad? You need to see how one madam reacted just because I answered the office intercom by saying, ‘Who is it?’ My boss was over sensitive to the fact that I said ya instead of yes when he asked me a question and for crying out loud what is so bad about removing your tie at 2pm when the thing does not allow you to breathe.”

Abdul had gotten to a stage he had been looking forward to and he felt that the preparation he needed was head knowledge of what he wanted to do but the key thing that he did not realize is this: The proof that you will do something tomorrow is that you are doing it today. A person who will not save from his pocket money has no guarantee that he will save money from his Corpers’ salary or even his N1Million Naira per month Salary because everything you are doing today is re-enforcement and practice for the things you will do tomorrow.

Abdul wanted to change levels but he had no practice in being a professional. He had been a late comer for so long that he didn’t know what it took to be early. If you have not started saving, living on a budget, being faithful to the person you are dating or being honest even when it is hard, then you have no practice, you have not developed the ability, and then there is no guarantee that you will be able to do it when it matters. A wise man once said, “Never promote a Person to a role they are not already successful in.”

The proof that you will do anything tomorrow is that you are doing it successfully today…

Don’t treat her badly today and promise to respect her tomorrow… Start Now

Deciding to do something does not mean you will automatically know how to do it… Build Experience

You will make mistakes as a human being but if you cannot excel while working for free there is no guarantee that you can excel when you get paid $1,000,000.

Don’t wait for your crown before you act like a King. Are you a king in the making?...

PROVE IT

Happy Easter to everyone. Please explore blog for more words. You can follow me on Twitter @Poise_gfs or write to uki@poisenigeria.org for advice. Also I would like to invite anyone who is job hunting right now to come over to our office: Poise’ Graduate Finishing Academy,  4, Obokun Street, Off Coker Road, Ilupeju. We are hosting a free seminar on how to Kick Start your Career this Thursday at 10:00AM… Two Words…Be There

 

Take Over

“Rudolph the red-nosed reindeer

Had a very shiny nose

And if you ever saw it, you would even say it glows

All of the other reindeers used to laugh and shout with glee

They never let poor Rudolph play in any Reindeer games”

Have you ever felt like you were being prevented from being happy or successful because of the actions or inaction of others? Today we are going to discuss how to take the focus to “BEFORE THE BECAUSE”. If you know the Christmas carol above then you know that Rudolph is one of Santa’s reindeer. He had a big red shiny nose so his friends made fun of him, which made him unhappy, POOR RUDOLPH. If someone had asked him what was wrong he would say “I am unhappy, because the others are being mean to me.”

Many times, in describing or solving a problem we focus on what comes after because and not before it e.g

 We sometimes say, I am not doing well because my boss is not motivating me

I am not doing well, because my boss doesn't appreciate me

I am so hurt, because people always leave me out of things

The most important part of those statements is what comes before because, that is where you are affected and that is also where you have power to cause change:

What you are saying is: I am not happy, I am not doing well, I am so hurt. So if all these are true, here is my question to you…What are you going to do about it. The things that come after the ‘because’ are not your only source. You can take responsibility for changing your situation by giving yourself permission to be who you want to be in spite of your limitations.

Rudolph had many options to solve his problem of feeling unhappy and unwanted. If he did not realize it, he would have sat blaming God for giving him a big red nose, insulting his friends for being so insensitive and so on after all that he would still remain ‘unhappy’. Luckily for Rudolph, Santa helped him out by asking him to use his nose as a guiding light for his sleigh. This made those same Reindeer looking down on him to wish they could be more like him. Here is the rest of the carol:

“Then one foggy Christmas eve, Santa came to say,

Rudolph with your nose so bright, won’t you guide my sleigh tonight?

Then all the other reindeer loved him

And they shouted out with glee

Rudolph the red-nosed reindeer

You’ll go down in history “

My advice to you is this:

Where you cannot necessarily change the behavior of others… Change Yourself.

If the obvious solution to your problem isn’t working out...Find another

No one invited you to join their team…Start yours

Your boss does not motivate you?…Motivate yourself

Your environment is sucking the life out of you…Change It

Your teachers didn’t teach you…teach yourself

You are the architect of your own destiny, the number one beneficiary of your success and the number one victim if you fail. If your circumstances and those around you are not helping you to be your best self…

TAKE OVER

Run First

Have you ever decided to go on a diet, then you went all out on a two week eating spree to prepare yourself for it? Do you know someone who has gone on one ‘last’ shopping spree to celebrate the fact that they will start saving money next month? How about the, “Yes I know he is not good for me but I will miss him so much, let me see him one last time before breaking up with him?” OR the “let me sleep all day so that I can wake up and work all night.” What happens when we go further down a bend in a bid to prepare for a U-Turn? Are we procrastinating progress or motivating ourselves? Let’s talk about that after this story.

Ene is a very brilliant young lady and she loved to learn a lot. There was only one problem, she always seemed to be worse off a short while after learning new lessons. After she learned about the benefits of exercise and eating healthy she was motivated to change her eating habits. She even decided to completely give up her favorite treat for 12 months (Ice-cream and chocolate cake). She set a date for two weeks later to make the switch and she was 72KG when this happened. In the two weeks before her D-day, Ene had Ice cream and everything (cake, cookies, waffles, you name it!) she did not mind the weight she was adding, after all she was going to start going to the gym and eating right in a short while. Well the D-day came and a 76KG Ene gave up all her goodies, she was mentally ready.

Two weeks down the line, she started faltering little by little, she had developed an addiction to waffles during her two week binge and she had started having it between meals. Her job did not give her the luxury of going to the gym as often as she should so by week 4, a 74 kg Ene gave up on her newly found healthy lifestyle and gave in to the lure of her new addiction. She had to hide her scale. Something similar happened when she read about financial planning, she ended up even more broke than she was before she decided to start living on a budget. So upset with the people who wrote those articles she called up her mum to ask for money and explain her situation. Her mum laughed and said “Ene, if you started your diet at 72kg instead of 76 you would be 70kg by now instead of 75. Do you remember the story of Ikenga who told the king to give him the winner’s prize before the race?” “Yes mum” Ene rolled her eyes as she remembered “Everyone in the village knew he was the fastest because he had won so many races so he decided he wanted the prize in advance.” “Good” said mum, and what did the King tell Ikenga? Ene’s eyes popped as the lesson unfolded in her mind, how could she have forgotten this simple truth

“Who kills a bird he hasn’t caught first.

Before you say amen, you must pray first.

Imagine a horse pulling a cart that is placed first.

Can you bury a man who wasn’t born, first?

How can you eat, if you don’t cook first?

To deserve rest, you must work first.

To win a race, you must

Run First.”

What Ene could have done:

Start her new exercise routine immediately and for every 3 weeks she was faithful to it, she could reward herself with a nice bowl of ice creame. Putting the reward after the work is done makes all the difference. Don’t procrastinate progress. Let’s come up with other suggestions on how to manage and sustain progress? Please drop your comment here or you can send me an email with questions and comments uki@poisenigeria.org

Upgrade You

Hello wonderful people,

Are there things about you that work against you? Do you want to be an Engineer but hate mathematics? Are you passionate about public speaking and holding yourself back because you find yourself tongue-tied whenever you have to face a crowd? Do you wish your friends would give you a break because you are just being yourself and they keep complaining that you are too harsh? Let’s talk about what to do when ‘being yourself’ is causing you problems.

When I was younger, there was something my dad told me over and over until it became a part of me. Infact he still says it till this day: “Your nurture and not your nature determines your destiny.” Let me explain it with a personal story. Way back when I was in Secondary School, I did something that made me understand this quote perfectly. I was a science student who wanted to be an engineer just like my dad. There was only one little problem, its name was Mathematics. I really wanted to pass it. I felt I was trying so hard, but somehow I just seemed to remain average. I could get an easy 90% in English or Biology, but a I felt like a C in Mathematics could only come by prayer and fasting. I had to choose between my desire to become an engineer or the fact that mathematics wasn’t computing in my head.  Luckily for me one of our teachers said something to the class one day “If you want to pass a course, just call it your best course and you will pass it.” It didn’t make sense at the time. My favorite course was English because I found it so easy, then at a time it was Physics because I loved to discover how things worked, but Mathematics?! No way!

Anyway, I decided to try it. I started telling my friends Mathematics was my best course and something interesting happened. I realized that in order for it to be true, I needed to read it more. Usually I would spend more time reading my favorite course before even touching others so (reluctantly at first) I started reading Mathematics more and paying more attention to it. In short, by the time I was in SS2, I had become so good at Mathematics and fallen so much in love with it that I chose Further Mathematics as an elective and everyone who has seen my A1 in SSCE Mathematics finds it hard to believe that I once thought I was not cut out to pass Maths. That experience taught me a valuable lesson: “You can excel at something you were once horrible at because, all things are learnable.”

Your nature refers to your natural instincts, your default behavior, things that you can do automatically and easily e.t.c  While your nurture refers to the traits that you learn along the way either on purpose, by accident or because you were forced to. What I learnt was that I did not have to be a victim of my own nature or a slave to my instincts.

If you pick up your phone and look at it right now, I can guarantee you that it is very different from the way it was when you bought it. Something has changed. Maybe it’s the case, ringtone, display pictures, apps or wall paper. Sometimes it goes on silent, sometimes on vibrate e.t.c If you will adjust and upgrade your phone to fit what you need, how much more important is it to adjust and upgrade your traits so they can work for you. I know they say a leopard never changes its spots, but you are human. Get ready to be the best you can be, and don’t let yourself hold you back.

If you are a public speaker on the inside but scared of crowds on the outside, get some public speaking training. If you are too self-conscious to fulfill your dream of being a model, go and do some confidence building activities. If the fear of an aptitude test won’t let you apply for a job you really want get a lesson teacher if you have to.

A lot of people say they can’t be good at something because it is not in line with their passion. I say, you don’t have to like something to be good at it. Imagine a man drowning, do you think he will say: “It’s okay for me to drown since I never liked swimming anyway.”? No. He doesn’t care about liking swimming at that point, he just wants to live. So please, teach yourself be good at the things you need to be good at. Love the things that you love being good at, when the two overlap, that’s bliss but in the meantime:

If your nature is standing between you and your desired future…Nurture You

If it is difficult…Do It

If fear is holding you back…Overcome it

I know that changing our attitudes, learning new skills and overcoming our fears can be an uphill task, but in life we can only choose between excuses and results, we cannot have both. Don’t let your nature stand in your way…

UPGRADE YOU

Fill It

Hi guys,

Ever asked these questions: What ON EARTH are employers looking for? How do I determine my worth? Why doesn’t anyone appreciate my value?

I have a short story for you.

Ikona was village facing extreme famine, everyone had run out of food and water was a scarce commodity. There was no hope anywhere around and no one knew how to solve this problem. Even the king was so hungry that he couldn’t carry his staff and wear his crown. One day the village woke up to sad news, the king had died leaving no successor. With their thirsting throats and aching bellies they buried him and began the search for a new king.

A stranger heard of the King’s death and rode into town in an entourage of flashy cars and bags of money hoping to immediately be recognized as the most valuable option and be chosen as their King.  They didn’t give him a second glance. He hired dancers from far and wide to come and put up a show hoping to impress the people but the people did not laugh and cheer, they didn’t even come out of their houses. He was perplexed.

The next day, determined to be their King, he carried bags of gold to every house, they threw the gold at him asking what dying men needed with gold. He couldn’t figure out what kind of ungrateful people rejected gold? Someone had even threatened to kill him if he ever showed up in his compound again with useless things.

Just before giving up, he decided to ask someone what was going on and she said “Leave me! I am too hungry to talk, please go away.” Then it hit him! These people are starving!

He drove all night to a far-away town and used his gold to buy all kinds of food, fruits and drinks. He hired people to go into the village and begin to prepare a feast before he arrived. He then instructed them not to tell anyone who was coming but to say their master was just passing through the village and would only spend one night. Early the next morning, the villagers were awakened by the sweet almost forgotten aroma of delicacies which they had lost all hope of ever eating. The children breaking palm kernels were stopped in their tracks as the aroma of meat being fried enveloped them.

“Everyone harassed the cooks.  “Who is your master? What can we do to make him live with us? Will he share his food with us? Is he from our land?” No answer then an announcement. “The Master is almost here! He will spend the night and continue his journey tomorrow.” “What!” Immediately the elders discussed, “Surely anyone one who could find such bounty in this wilderness we call home, must never leave this land.”, “What should we do?” Immediately, they sprang into action, they got the King’s robe, staff and crown, stood at the entrance to their city waiting for him and began to sing “Long Live The King!”.

We have a saying at Poise’ Graduate Finishing School. “Employers know what they want, if they see it and they recognize it, they will acquire it.” Your value does not come from your environment, but it can can only be recognized in an environment where it is needed. Sometimes, the thing you are searching for is searching for you so don’t be discouraged. Ask yourself this very important question: “What do my goals require of me?”

Here is my advice to you in TWO Words.

-          If you are knocking on a door and it refuses to open –  Ask Questions

-          If you have sent out your resume 20 times and have never been called for a test – Edit IT

-          If the job you want requires experience - Go Volunteer

-          If you are being undervalued – Solve problems

In summary, if there is a gap between your current capability and the requirements of your dreams and aspirations – FILL IT

Your Friend

Uki

Get Wierd

“Average doesn’t win award” – Mavi Isibor, Group C.E.O, Poise Nigeria

In my view, there is no reason to be normal. The problem with being normal is that normal is normal and most of the time, it is average, regular and unremarkable. Sometimes being good enough is not enough, you need to be abnormal. Please let me explain with a personal experience:

‘Tina returned from her interview so excited. It had gone very well, so well in fact, better than she expected. She went over all the questions that the members of the panel had asked her and she knew she answered them well. I can testify to that because I was on the panel, we interviewed about 27 people that day.

Tina knew she answered us well because she downloaded an interview skills manual from the internet and when she cross checked after the interview, she was proud of how close to the manual her answers were. She followed the format perfectly, she used the rights words and so on, “Lucky me!” she thought, she shut down her computer, “I am so sure they will pick me.”

While Tina was reveling in her great performance at home, the other interviewers and I were going over our scoring of all the candidates. We were discussing and trying to decide on which 5 to call back and our conversation sounded a little like this:

Panelist A: “Most of them sounded the same to me. I am looking at the names and the CVs and I am struggling to even remember half of the things they said.” Everyone nodded.

Panelist C: “What about that Emeka guy?”

Panelist A: “Yes! The one that said he ran an NGO while in school.” Everyone smiled, and comments like “I liked him”, “sounds intelligent”, “I recommend him” flowed.

Panelist B: “There was also that girl that spoke so passionately, what was her name?”

Panelist C: “Ah! I cannot forget that one, Bola, she seems to have so much drive. I think she will bring new life to her department if we choose her.”

Panelist A: “She is chosen already, no contest. Let us call those two back add any three of the others that got high scores, just pick any three. Let’s see them next week.”

Panelist C: “Please there was a girl named Chioma, she shouldn’t fall into the others o. She got high scores but her explicit dressing will put people in trouble”

Panelist B :“Yes, but we also have to take that intelligent funny one who said he was selling pure water in school and still came out with a 2:1.”

Panelist A: ”I almost forgot him, great! Add him as well. Does anyone remember any other person that stood out? For good oh! Not the one that wore jeans and was saying he could not remember what the vacancy is for because he sent is CV to so many places.”

.

Everyone roared with laughter and the session ended.

The sad truth is that I do not know Tina. Her name could have been Titi or even Tope. She is a representative of all those who scored high but blended into the crowd because they followed good guidelines to the point of losing their individuality. Though they did well, they were all grouped together as ‘the others’.

‘Get Weird’ is not saying that you should just be weird for the sake of being weird. I am not saying that you should be different just for the sake of being different. Just embrace the things about you that make people say “Why are your own things always different.” When you discover what is different/weird about you and you learn how to sell it, then that is true packaging. Someone could be ashamed of the fact that he sold pure water, recharge cards or even food in school but if he learns how to package it, then it becomes an edge that makes people admire his resilience.

Someone might be a scatter brain who always forgets where they keep things. You just might be chosen as a perfect marketer for a company that sells Key Holders with SIM Cards in them. Whatever it is about you that makes you feel weird:

If it is good: Embrace It

You don’t want to stand out for bad performance so, if it is bad: Overcome It

If it is neither good nor bad: Enhance It

When you are done: Package it

To be abnormal can also mean ABOVE NORMAL. So, in all you do, feel free to follow the guidelines, don’t break the rules but please, embrace your individuality and don’t be afraid to

…GET WEIRD

Your friend

Uki Dare

PS: Please do not throw away your preparatory manuals for interview skills, you only need to learn how to let your personality shine through. I also teach interview skills (with a twist) at Poise’ Graduate Finishing Academy so feel free to stop by if you want some tips. uki@poisenigeria.org

Remember to share this post or drop a comment.

Thank you

Add It

What do you do when you see something going wrong and it’s none of your business? I can almost hear someone saying “I will face my front before someone will call me over sabi.” Okay let’s talk about how to tell the difference between helpful and ‘over sabi’ but first, a story.

“No! No! No! No! No Way!” Screamed Uju. This is not happening to me. Not today. No way” She closed her eyes and allowed her mind drift back to earlier that morning. She woke up with a big smile on her face and looked out of her fathered hut to observe all the servants hurrying around in preparation, everyone was so excited. It was her big day. Ugo her handsome prince and the love of her life had performed all the marriage rites and she was heading to his village tonight to take her place as future queen. This was supposed to be the best day of her life but instead here she was, stuck by the river bank with no way of getting there. Everyone had gone ahead in other boats to Ugo’s village where a big celebration was waiting for them. She was to come with her friends on the last boat to make a grand entrance but alas the boat that was left for her started sinking and they had to return to shore. Now she was stuck, embarrassed and missing her own reception, in her full princess regalia for that matter.

“Uju, the reason this boat was picked for you is because it is rarely used, everyone thought it would be in the best condition”. “Which silly best condition?” Uju snapped at Chika her best friend. “This boat is rickety and useless, it’s been leaking for ages, is it not the one I always used when sneaking to go see Ugo in his village before?!” “Ah ah!” Said Nneka “So you knew there was a leaking boat and you never did anything about it”. Uju starts screaming in frustration “Why are you guys busy interviewing me?! Does Chukwudi ever listen to anybody? Ask him if I didn’t tell him his boat was rickety and useless the last time I used it! Am I a boat fixer or care taker? If he can’t fix his boat, what’s my own? Should I have fixed it fir him?  I will have him severely punished for this. Chei! See my life. Why are we even talking about boats! when…” ! Chukwudi who had been struggling to fix his boat jumped in. “Were don oh! Insulti mi verry werl, so because I could not spoken Engilish very well you tink you are beta than me. Is orait, if you laiki have me behaeded. All I know is that, it is a 3 hour journey to Oma, in 3 hours your people will get there. They will be expecting you for anoda 1 hour, by di time dey realize you are not coming they will now send a boat which will take another 3  hours to come back an look for you. After which, you will spend anoda eztra 3 awas going back to Oma by which time it will be tomorrow morning! You are too big to ezplain it well for me dat day abi? Abegi lemme go and chop garri and sleep. Mstchewww.”

End

Sometimes when we see something going wrong we get angry but not angry enough to do something. I will use the words of Abiola ‘Champ’ Salami here, “Don’t get angry, get MAD (Make A Difference)”.

Maybe Uju felt that she didn’t need to be committed to ensuring that the boat owner understood the need to fix his own boat, after all it was his boat. Have you ever passed by a baby eating from the floor and just shook your head and walked past? Have you ever helped a child across the road? Have you given up on explaining a particular issue that is negatively affecting clients to your boss? Are you tired of trying to get your colleagues to see a bigger picture? Do not give up. Don’t ever be satisfied with doing nothing. If you are the one who sees a problem, then you have a part to play in communicating it and/ or solving it. e.g A 3 year old school girl is trying to cross the road to get to school, instead of heaping curses on the absent mother as you continue driving in your car. Park it, and let her/help her across.

Being the smartest person in the room is not a guarantee that you are the most useful. The most useful person in the room is not the one with the brightest ideas but the one who knows how to communicate the bright ideas. After all:

- What good is intelligence if you can’t solve problems?

- Of what good is wisdom if it only makes you look down on others?

- What good is knowledge if no one accepts it from you?

Here are my two words on this matter: Find It, Sell It, Do Something, Add It.

Having a good idea isn’t good enough… Sell It

Seeing a problem is not enough… Do Something

There’s a way to communicate with your boss that he will understand and listen to you… Find It

Bear in mind that in most cases, even if you cannot eradicate a problem from the face of the earth, there is always something you can add to make things a bit better...

                                                                       Add It

From this, what do you think is the difference between being helpful and ‘Over sabi’? Is there something you feel like adding to your school, office or the lives of people around you? Let’s talk about how you can go about it. Post your comment here or send me an email to uki@poisenigeria.org

Sure Thing

Why does everyone call only me when they need money? Why is it that I am always given the most difficult tasks? She keeps doing this because she knows I will always forgive, should I change? Maybe I need to become a bit more stubborn and put my parents on their toes, they cannot tell my sis all these things they are telling me. Are you feeling like changing your personality because people around you seem to be getting away with doing less? Do you feel like you are being taken for granted? I have two words for you, but first I will tell you about some guys, I call them My guys.

This is a true story about the three men I work with. In order of how I met them, Niyi, Sam and Henry. A few weeks ago in ‘Find It’ I spoke about my job and how hectic it gets. God uses them to make it possible. As I always say, you can describe our job in 12 words: We train people in the job market and help them get jobs. Those 12 words translate into A LOT of work for them and require so much dedication. Because our jobs directly affect people’s lives and futures, there are no working hours, we are always on. They get practically no free days either, we work all week long doing one thing or the other because there is always so much at stake. In the midst of all this, I am always grateful for one thing. “My guys are a sure thing.”

While writing this, I am in Kenya on a business trip, but of all the things I have to bother about, while I am away, I don’t have to worry about what is going on in the office.

I am not wondering if they will be resuming at 10:00 A.M instead of 8:00AM. They won’t. I don’t have to be scared that classes won’t go on as scheduled or that if I am not at a meeting, things won’t go right. I am not scared that the place will fall apart in my absence or the scheduled tests will not take place. I know all will go well. Calling them a Sure Thing does not mean they don’t make mistakes. They have strengths and weaknesses just like everyone else, but I know that if something goes wrong, they won’t sweep it under the carpet and hide it from me. If they face challenges they will figure out ways around them and nothing will be left unattended to or undone. Even though they are very different and are good at different things, I believe I know who they are and what they stand for and that makes them a sure thing.

Who can say that about you? Your Boss? What about your family? Your Friends? People you deal with? What is that one thing that people always require or even demand from you? It shows what you are known for. Are you always called to settle fights or to make them hotter? To pray for someone or to insult them very well? In what issues do people say, “Let’s call her” and for what things do they say, “Let’s leave him, he won’t agree”? Those are the areas they know you as a Sure Thing.

When I was finishing from the university I had a problem with the fact that people were always asking me for my last kobo because they knew I was a nice person who found it hard not to give. I always found myself broke and the people who took all my money were enjoying themselves at my expense. I decided that the remedy was to harden up and toughen up: that way people would stop playing on my intelligence. The result was that I unconsciously became stingy. I achieved my aim because it was no more so easy for people to pull my heart strings and make me feel their pain, no one could ‘use my head’ anymore: but at the same time, those who needed my help couldn’t get it. I found that it was so easy for me to say, ‘Sorry I don’t have.”

This was good. But guess what? I was miserable. I kept telling myself I was still a nice person; I liked being a nice person but all my actions said otherwise. In order not to be a Sure Thing for giving, I was becoming a Sure Thing for selfishness. This posed a challenge. God made me a giver so I enjoyed giving but how was I supposed to find the balance between being everybody’s fool and this selfish person I had become? I found the answer.

Nobody was taking all my money; I was the one giving it out in a way that hurt me, because I didn’t like to say no. The secret was in self-management.

I realized it is possible to be a giver and still be wise and manage my finances properly. I softened up again and now I do not mind being known as the one who is too nice and is always giving, because that is who I am. I just manage myself better:

- I give when I can

- When I can’t, I say no but I still always endeavor to help find an alternate solution

Back To You

So your sister does no house work and gets away with it but if you leave one dish in the sink, the roof will fall– It could be a compliment, maybe you are your parent’s sure ‘responsible’ thing.

Maybe you get away with bad grades but when your sister comes home with a B, there is a family meeting – Watch out because that is a sign of their expectations from you.

It is true that people might tend to take you for granted sometimes but I would say it is better to have a positive trait that comes with some disadvantages, than having a negative trait that comes with advantages. Don’t downgrade yourself, instead manage yourself better, know what you want and become more assertive, so you are being yourself for the right reasons and with the right motive.

With this I must also sound a word of caution. Like I wrote in ‘Get Weird’, it is dangerous to be someone who goes with every flow and cannot be vouched for on any matter whether negative or positive. Where ever you are you must make your mark. Here are my two words of advice for you today: Know You, Create Yours, Watch It, Be Assertive

If you don’t stand for something, you will fall for anything…Know You

Stop going with every flow…Create Yours

Exempting you from responsibilities is not a sign of respect or trust…Watch It

If you feel like you are being taken for granted…Be Assertive

Learn to manage yourself and your relationships, but whatever you do, remember that there is absolutely nothing wrong with being a…

                                                                  Sure Thing!

To My Guys:

- Niyi, thank you for being extraordinarily trustworthy, credible and most of all committed. It’s a pleasure to be able to take that for granted – in a good way.

- Sam, it’s really great that you are so good with working on new projects. And yes, that’s why I always give you the stressful work that requires running around and setting up new centres.

- Henry, I’m so glad that you are committed to excellence, even though I know it makes me drop chaotic things in your lap from time to time. Well done.

Go Back

Have you ever felt this way? “I don’t want to be seen as a quitter but I don’t want to continue either.” This is for you.

If you have given someone N100,000 to carry out a business and he/she is asking for N20,000 Extra to be able to pay you your initial loan…Go Back

If you have dated him for 10 years and he has not yet popped the question…Go Back

If you have been working on a project for so long and you are about to give up…Go Back

Infact if you have been doing anything as a routine for a long time…Go Back

Hold on!, going back in this case does not mean going back to the beginning because no one can rewind time and go back to yesterday. It does not also mean giving up, neither does it mean holding on. I am asking you to ‘Go Back’ to the drawing board and the decision making stage.

About two years ago, a friend and colleague asked my opinion on a situation in which he found himself. He gave a loan to a business man. The person collected 100,000 Naira to buy some things for sale, with a promise to pay within a few weeks.

At the time of discussing with me the debt had grown to about 160,000 Naira and it was months overdue. I will paraphrase his words:

“This is a guy I kind of look up to, I don’t know him very well but he seems to be a respectable person. Every time the money is due he tells me his goods have been delayed and if he gets N20,000 or N30,000 then he will be able to fast track the delivery and pay me. He seems so helpless and says I am his only hope and he really feels bad about it but I am worried because he is asking for another N30,000 and I don’t know whether or not to give him.”

 In summary this was my advice to him:

If you want to give him more money, do not do it because you are considering how much you have already given him and you don’t want to lose it. He may or may not be honest but that does not guarantee anything. Maybe he is investing in a failing business or he too is considering how much he has spent and is refusing to let go of something that is obviously not working. 

Start fresh, take it like this is the first time he is asking you for money, get all the information about what he will do with the money and consider it objectively, try to gauge how honest the man is just like you did the first time he asked you for money, do it all afresh and ask yourself this:

“Knowing what I know, if this man was not with N160,000 of my money would I give him N30,000.” 

"If the only reason you want to continue doing something is because you have already invested so much in it, then it means the past is providing more motivation for going forward than the future holds."

This is always a dangerous situation so don’t do it. In the same way, here are my two words for the day: Go Back, Let Go, Fight It.

-          Don’t be carried away by the past – Let go

-          Don’t be discouraged by the difficulty of the present – Fight It

-          If going forward does not hold anything you want…

Go Back

Is there anything you need to re-evaluate? Let’s talk about it. Write me at uki@poisenigeria.org or post a comment here