Own It

Have you ever decided to do something but you didn't end up going through with it. Was the problem the fact that a friend kept on asking you and you could not say no? Research shows that the way you say no has a great impact on whether or not you will do something. Let’s discuss the best way to say no based on science and research.

Tony and Tara decided that they were going to read 2 hours every day before going to bed. They had professional exams coming up and both wanted to pass in flying colors. They were part of a very social and tight knit circle of friends and someone always had something interesting going on. In order to achieve their desire to read two hours before bed each night. They had to miss many of the social outings and they knew it would be hard because they all enjoyed one another’s company so much. After three weeks of trying to stick to their new resolution, they ran into each other at the mall.

Tara: “So how has it been going, are you ready for the exams?”

Tony: “Ready ke? I don’t even know what to do anymore. I read only about 3 nights out of 7 in a week. And this week I have not even read at all. The guys call me every single night pestering me to hang out with them and sometimes I just give in. Sometimes even when I stay home, I try to psych myself to read but I just sleep off. What about you?”

Tara: “I have been reading every night oh. I only missed today because I want to give myself a break. Do you want to hang out?”

Tony: “No, I can’t oh, let me go and…

Tara: Exactly! That is where the problem is Tony. You are saying no the wrong way. When you say no, you must own it. Don’t say it like you are helpless.

Tony gave her an ‘Is-this-lady-loosing-her-mind-look’ so she explained: I read this article that discussed research in improving will power and it says that instead of saying things like “I can’t go out because I need to read” you should say “I don’t go out every night anymore, I am preparing for my exams.” Saying ‘I don’t’ instead of ‘I can’t’ affects your will power immensely.

“Stop saying ‘I can’t instead say ‘I don’t’. Infact after calling me 3 times and I said I don’t go out on weekdays anymore because of the exam, Lekan and co. stopped calling me. I guess they could sense my resolve, so instead, they now send me encouraging texts. The words you speak go a long way in affecting your actions. Hey, here is the link; you can read more about it here.”

Tony stored the link in his phone to read through when he got home. “It’s funny, I thought saying I can’t meant I have no other option” Tara replied, yes it does, but saying ‘I don’t means, I have options but I have decided not to and I will not. That gives you more power.”

Hmm: “Great! You and all these oyinbo things. I will try it.

THE END

Here are my two words for you:

You are the number one person that your words affect, so before you say anything…Check It

Change can be difficult so don’t make it harder by discouraging yourself…Encourage You

If you have made prior plans that will keep pulling away from a new resolution…Cancel Them

When you say NO, to something you don’t want to do, don’t sound like you wish you could say yes. Don’t say ‘I can’t’, because no one is forcing you to say no. Say ‘I don’t’. It is your decision, it is what you want so…

Own It

If you want to get the link to the scientific article that explains this theory of saying ‘I don’t’ rather than ‘I cant’ please visit the link: http://blog.bufferapp.com/a-scientific-guide-to-saying-no-how-to-avoid-temptation-and-distraction