Two Words - Just Ask

Just Ask

How do I know if she likes me? I know why he acts like that, is it not him!? Why would she do such a thing to her sister? Let me ask Janet if Tito gave her the book yesterday so I will know if she will give me? They will not like it, let me not even bother trying. Should I ask her for money or should I just leave it, she looks broke and she didn’t give Fred when he asked her yesterday.”

Have you ever thought in this way? Are you trying to figure out what someone is thinking by asking everyone else except them? Is this a good strategy? Let’s discuss it.

Aigbode works with Mike, they had been working together for close to two years. When Aigbode joined Glitz Limited, Femi was already working in that unit. They all lived in the same area which was very far from work and Mike their boss had a car. Though they all closed at the same time, Aigbode and Femi would go home by public transport while Mike would drive himself home. Mike was very jovial in the office and Aigbode often wondered why he couldn’t give them a ride since they all stayed in the same area and they had such a nice relationship. For almost two years no one ever brought it up until Chinonye joined the team. A week after she joined, Mike started giving her lifts to her bus stop and the tongues started wagging.

“Can you imagine? So because Chinonye is a lady, she is worthy of a lift. Hmm! I respected this man oh! I never thought he could be like this. “This is ridiculous.” said Aigbode. Femi replied, “Oh boy! Be there! Stop judging sha. The girl is a fine babe, leave the man alone and face your work.” This scenario continued for a while. Even when Chinonye suddenly quit 6 months after, everyone took it as proof that something was going on between them and she must have resigned because the relationship with Mike went sour.

4 years later, Mike ran into Chinonye at the Cinema. “Hello Chinonye, how are you doing? It’s good to see you. So what are you up to now?” “Not much Sir but I am doing well. I have a small business I am doing after all that happened to me?” Mike was curious, “What happened?” Chinonye explained “Sir, when I left Glitz limited, it was not as if I had another job or something to do. I just could not take the stories that were going around anymore. Someone confided in me that I needed to be careful around you because you had never been so nice to a staff, so everyone felt something was going on between us. I was very surprised. One day, I was late to work and I was having an argument with Towobola, then she spat out that I should not think that because I was dating you I could do anything I liked.” That was it for me. I just couldn’t stand my reputation being tarnished in such a manner and I realized the whole office must have been discussing it. That was why I resigned with immediate effect. I didn’t want to cause trouble so I could not tell you. Do you still work there?” Mike was stunned. He tried to mask it. “It was nice seeing you again sir, Enjoy the movie. Bye.” Mike mustered a “Goodbye” and all he could think about was “How many people in the office were saying this about me and for how long? How come no one ever told me so I could remedy my reputation? What is the meaning of this?” He left the cinema and went back home. Only one word can describe how he felt: Betrayed.

From that day, Mike’s behavior to his colleagues changed drastically, he went from being the jovial boss to being super strict and till today, nobody knows why.

The End

This kind of scenario happens in our offices, our schools and even our homes and businesses. We relate with people based on so many assumptions, rather than simply asking the question that we have on our minds. Aigbode did not ask Mike if he could give him a ride because he assumed that Femi must have asked before. Since Femi had been working there longer, Aigbode assumed Femi knew Mike better. Femi never asked Mike if he could give him a ride because he felt that it was out of place and he should let Mike be the one to make the offer. When Mike didn’t, Femi assumed it was because he did not want to. Mike never thought of offering them a ride, because he knew they would find it hard to say no and he didn’t want to cramp their style. He expected that they would ask if they needed his help and when they didn’t, he assumed it was because they didn’t want to go with him. Chinonye was bold enough to ask, but because she was a lady, once again everyone assumed they knew why Mike offered her a ride (he didn’t). No one asked Chinonye if she was the one who asked for a ride or if Mike offered because they assumed they already had the answer. It was actually none of their business, but still they talked about it. At the end of the day everyone got hurt.

Here are my two words for those of us who have given up on asking for something:

Even innocent assumptions can kill, because they have a way of feeling like fact. Don’t assume…Just Ask

If you have a question, stop trying to guess the answer when you can…Just Ask

Don’t let the fear of rejection make you call someone in Abuja to just to find out if your neighbor (who is in Lagos with you) will let you use her iron…Just Ask

Don’t spend 20 months designing the perfect product without finding out if your target will be interested in what you are doing…Use Surveys

Sometimes you need something from God...Just Ask

Asking ‘Do you think she will give me?’, ‘Do you think they will agree?’ or ‘Do you think he will like to?’, ‘Has he forgiven me?’ are all good questions they can help you prepare a good pitch but at the end of the day, the surest way is to, meet the person in question, ignore the apprehension nibbling inside you and…

JUST ASK

What are some tough questions that you have been unable to ask? Let’s discuss strategies for asking tricky questions on the Poise’ Graduate Finishing Academy Blog poisegfs.blogspot.com. Post a comment here or if it is private you can send an email to uki@poisenigeria.org. Remember you can subscribe to this blog by email and you will get Two Words in your email, hot and fresh.

Thank you